So I just made a champion decision and purchased a bag of grapes. The thing I love about grapes, and why I’m such a huge grape enthusiast, is that they’re the perfect size. They’re like the snickers minis of health snacks. Other fruit, like oranges for example, are such a hassle to peel. And by the time you get the skin off who knows if you were really even that hungry to begin with. It’s a huge commitment.
Grapes on the other hand are bite sized treats. No bigger than an inch, no skin to peel, and no mess. If you’re not very hungry you can choose to eat one. If you’re starving eat fifty or a hundred if that’s your fancy. They’re flexible to your needs. And hey, really, isn’t that what we all look for in our fruit? Isn’t that what we all look for in life?
The creator of Hey Arnold liked one of my Instagram photos so my Monday is already better than yours.
Day 1 - First day of this little three week vacation. Kind of nice so far…very relaxing.
Day 3 - The weather is nice out today. Went to a park and watched a dog play frisbee with its owner.
Day 7 - Getting a little stir crazy. Running out of ways to keep busy. Resorted to watching CBS comedies
Day 10 - Had a weird dream last night. I realized I was dreaming and tried to fly like Peter Pan but ended up falling to my death.
Day 14 - I covered the windows with snuggies so the aliens can’t watch me while I sleep. It’s the only material that’s impervious to their technology.
Day 16 - The voices in my head keep getting stronger. They tell me to start fires but I don’t have any matches and my stove is electric. One of them sounds like Balki from Perfect Strangers which is weird.
Day 17 - I use ampersands as periods now& It’s the only way to progress as a species&
Day 19 - Human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self aware, nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law…
Day 20 - All hail lord Elmo. Elmo is the light. Elmo is the truth. Elmo is the way.
Day 21 glorp glorp glorp Obama is a lizard in a human costume Gloop glorp end transmission..
I quit my job yesterday. Well actually I quite my job Thursday, but yesterday was my last day. In any case, I’m an unemployed person now. Just like the rest of the Angelenos I used to see sitting outside cafés on weekday mornings while I was on my way to work, I too wiIl get to wake up whenever I feel like it, wear pajamas into the late afternoon, and see popular movies in fairly empty theaters so I can pretend I’m at a private screening.
Fortunately, I start a new job May 1st so I won’t be jobless for long. But until then I’m basically free. And for a person who rarely took days off from work, three weeks is a long time to be free. I predict I’ll either go insane, do something creative and productive (probably neither), or write my idea for the next great American novel, basically A Tale of Two Cities with sharks.