If you’re not following me on Twitter then you’re missing out on such classic gems as:
"Surprised and disappointed to learn Eric Clapton hasn’t released an album called STRAIGHT OUTTA CLAPTON."
“Accidentally put the wrong shoe on the wrong foot and fell into deep self doubt.”
"Isn’t it weird how we’re all constantly wearing potential sock puppets on our feet?"
"Movie idea #15739 : A Labrador gets a job at the Apple store and helps customers with their broken earphones. It’d be called "Ear Bud"."
Disclaimer: Tweets may lower IQ by 10 to 20 points. Read at your own risk. (It’s not like you were using those points for anything anyway)